I have come to call it the "Noah Effect" and it has nothing to do with arks, climate change or sustainability of the species. Noah is my son and recently we shared an experience that, in the moment, caused me great discomfort, but eventually it led to great insight for me. You just never know where an enlightening experience will reveal itself.
One day, Noah was sitting with my wife, Alina and me. We were typing away on our laptops while he was watching a video on his digital handheld device. Apparently, he had been YouTube surfing and was watching a video extolling the technological virtues of the newest Samsung Galaxy Smartphone. It seems that he thought it was way cooler than the newest iPhone 5! He was listening to all the benefits of this wonderful new device and then attempted to convince us why we should get him one. He wanted us to offer him 200 dollars to be able to purchase this device. He did not say, "I would like this cool new thing, how can I make $200 by working it off for you?" In that moment, he expressed no offer to want to work for it; it was simply a desire and request for something he really wanted. According to him, it was something he wanted badly and therefore should be able to have it.
My physical response was one of massive contraction, holding back my immediate, indignant response and automatic bewilderment of how it could be that easy to just ask for what you wanted without any consideration for what it took to earn $200. My internal thought was "How dare you think that you can just have whatever you want without working for it." My exasperation was palpable and probably noticed more than I wished it to be. I asked him "Why do you think, as a 15-year-old boy, that you should have the most advanced portable telecommunications device that's on the market?" He simply responded "Because it's the best and it's possible to have if you give me the $200; so why shouldn't I want and ask for it?" My mind immediately connected threads to his recent conservative, political diatribes and I tried to draw an analogy to his ideas supporting national arenas and the need for budgetary restraint and fiscal responsibility, but that clearly was off target and went nowhere with him.
Later on, I spoke with Alina about this conversation and she questioned the strength of my reaction to the event. All I could manage at that time to explain myself was to describe my dismay, dislike and disapproval that such a request could even be made. Certainly the intensity of reaction was triggering something very personal from my own past. It took me until the next day to start to have any worthwhile insight into it.
My next morning's meditation provided the time to allow for a clearer understanding of what had been stirred within me. I contemplated my strong reaction to an adolescent's expression of desire and wanting. What did that stir within me that was so uncomfortable? It was then that I began to recall childhood memories of giving away my room to grandma; of the times I felt guilty for being the oldest sibling and getting opportunities that my sisters did not. All this had resulted in me being very uncomfortable in asking for what I wanted when I was young. It was not that I did not want things, I just could never ask for them straight out. I more hinted at them, even being a bit manipulative about creating ways for my parents to find out what I wanted without having to ask for it. I learned to be fairly satisfied with whatever I was given. Eventually, as I grew older, I felt that a learned acceptance seemed congruent with my spiritual beliefs in finding contentment with what one already has. The discomfort of asking for something and not getting it was, for me, worse than never asking for it at all.
This personal exploration Noah lit a fire under led me to the question "Does not allowing myself to really consider what I want truly help me?" For example, I would love to take Alina away to Italy and Greece for a month long adventure. That is not a likely scenario in the near future, so why let myself really feel that desire when I cannot have it? Is my greater life served by not dreaming large and beyond the current status quo? Does it serve me to not ask for beyond which I am comfortable?
Ultimately it does not. I know that I could trust myself to call forth the passion of a desire and also be able to use wise judgment and right action. I trust that I will not act foolishly or impulsively, but I could dream bigger, more and give greater voice to my asking. I teach an exercise for individuals in the Right Brain Aerobics program that is called Six Impossible Things. This exercise is designed to push one's comfort level by having to write down six things which feel impossible to have or accomplish given the current circumstances of your life, but which you wish to have happen anyway. I made a mental note that it had been too long a time since I had personally done the exercise; probably because of the personal discomfort it brought me. It was time to do more of walking the talk.
The Noah Effect, therefore, has come to mean for me the ability to ask for what I want without any conflicting and restricting mental manipulations that limit it. Of course, I know that it does not mean that I will get it, but it certainly is more likely to happen than if it wasn't asked for on an energetic or verbal expression!
Now I can hold gratitude for something that had once caused me irritation. How's that for shifting paradigms? Thank you Noah for being one of my great teachers. I owe you one - one dose of appreciation that is; not a Samsung Galaxy!
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